पर, खुश हूँ मैं

क्यूँ दरारों की ज़रूरत थी,

कि अपने रास्ते अलग हो सकें?

होठों पर मुस्कराहट,

और आँखें नम थीं

कि यादों की गहराई में

हम खो सकें?

दिल के मासूम टुकड़ों से

पूछा ना कभी

कि लापरवाह इश्क़ की छाव में

तुम इतना क्यूँ इतरा रहे थे?

बेचारा, आने वाले

इम्तेहां से बेख़बर जो था।

क्यूँ छोड़ दिया उसी हाल पर

कि नादानियों से शाय़द सीख सके?

ख़ैर, छोड़ो

इक सुकून है बस इस बात का

कि तुम्हें इतने क़रीब से जाना

रास्ते अलग हुए तो क्या

यादों की रौशनी साथ है ना

उन्हीं मासूम दिल के टुकड़ों को 

जोड़ कर, फिर चल पड़ा हूँ मै

राह नयी है, साथ तुम भी तो नहीं हो

पर, खुश हूँ मैं

हसीं वादियों के बीच,

खुले आसमां के नीचे,

दरिया की कल-कल धारा कि गोद में,

उन यादों को दोहराऊंगा मैं

खुशियों से भरा एक अपना,

छोटा सा जहाँ, बनाऊंगा मैं। 

O' you nightingale eyes

O' You nightingale eyes

You saw me through

my weirdest replies

I wasn't shy

Or, maybe was I

I saw you smile

Couldn't look away for a while

You knew it right then

What my heart had spoken

I did not wanna accept

Neither I wanted any regret

Yes, I was confused

When you approached

I tried to look away

Then, I heard you say "Hey"

Through my pounding heart

You perhaps, got a reply

I tried to be calm

So brought up a smile

We went for a walk

Romance was our talk

The evening was bright

Under beautiful moon-light

As I held your hand

Felt if I could stop slipping of the sand

A thank you, from the heart

For taking the start

For breaking the ice

O' you nightingale eyes

You saw me through

my weirdest replies

Then, I met you.

It all started one autumn. The summer just passed was full of loneliness and nostalgia. I wanted to be with someone who actually cared listen to me, and also cared to talk to me. Yes I have always had a few really good friends, but I think I wanted being someone special, or maybe I wanted to meet the one for me. Yes, I have always been hopeless romantic, just like any typical Piscean, floating on top of feelings/emotions. I am generally a good judge of people, and I take time to get to know people. But, when I started to know you, I wanted to know you more. I felt that the feelings were mutual. Although, it was just facebook/gtalk dating, we did spend hours chit-chatting, sitting thousands of miles away. Within just a week of knowing you, it was your 22^nd birthday. I had known well enough about your likings that I wanted to get you a thoughtful present for your birthday, but my practical mind was saying that it would be too soon. There were a lot of common things between us, but there were so many differences too. You had been a great sports person, well acknowledged too, and I was barely good at any sports. I had developed a great fondness for you. I know it will be another act of hopeless romanticism but I am pretty sure I remember everything we talked about when we had our first phone conversation. You were hiding in the park beside your house from your parents, just to have a conversation with me. That made me feel important and I loved the feeling. Almost 7-8 weeks passed just like that and I grew fonder of having a conversation with you each passing day, sharing every details of my life with you and knowing bits and pieces of your life. You shared many of your secrets with me, because you trusted me so much. It felt awesome. I assure you, your secrets will always be safe with me. Then you went away for a week to visit some of your relatives, and it felt like the time had suddenly become slower. We couldn’t talk at all that week. I was eagerly waiting for the week to get over so that I could have a conversation with you. When you returned, I was so damn excited. I remember you saying once to me that you felt so lonely and empty and I wanted to say that I had been falling for you. But, my practical mind stopped me from doing that, saying that I haven’t even met you once and it would be utterly stupid of me. Didn’t I tell you I was hopelessly romantic? Yes, exactly that’s what I was talking about. I was visiting home in sometime and I wanted to meet you once. Meanwhile, we had some disagreements. And, for the first time you stopped talking to me. You were angry at me. It felt like thousands of sharp needles piercing my heart. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. My parents couldn’t figure out what had suddenly happened to my mood. I wrote an emotional poem for you. I don’t know if you ever read that, but it makes me teary-eyed even now, when I read it.

Then, I met you.

to be continued...

Birthday blues!

This post was supposed to come a month ago, but you know, there is a saying "better late than never" :D. Ever since I was a kid, I had the fervor of excitement for birthdays. Although, I grew up with a different tradition of birthday celebrations at my home than cutting the cake etc., I liked the special attention given to me that day. I guess, every kid does, well, apart from Sheldon who wanted a Titanium Centrifuge on his birthday :P. Being from a highly spiritual family, my parents and grandparents believed in thanking god for the completion of one more year of existence. I also grew up quite spiritually oriented, but then I got introduced to science. And, beliefs changed for me. Well, this post is not going to be about those beliefs. Rather, I will try sharing some of my "special moment" experiences on my birthdays that I have had in the last few years.

Eight years ago, I was a Freshmen at ISM Dhanbad. And, then came my first birthday away from home and family. There, I got introduced to the idea of birthday-bumps. It felt like an amazing way to celebrate birthday, provided it was someone else's birthday. It scared the hell out of me, as my birthday came closer. To be true, there were two really big guys in our wing, who could literally lift me up single handedly and then the others could do the beating. Yes, that very idea scared the tiny little me. So, I came up with a plan :D. I asked one of my trusted friends to lock me up inside my own room. Even, the roommates got their share of birthday bumps, so I and my dear roommate, Sid, stayed locked up after dinner and spread the rumor around that I will be at my local guardian's place for the night. Somehow our plan got leaked and we had no idea about it. How could we have, we were locked up inside, and none of us had a cell phone back then. As the clock ticked 11:45 pm, we heard people gathering in front of our hostel room, and my facial expression was enough to convey Sid that people knew about our plan. It was good that our trusted-friend had slid the key back to us, after locking us in. 11:50, and first knock on the door, only to affirm our suspicion that they know we are inside. Repeated knocks and screams then followed to make us come out of our room, while inside we were just trying to breathe, without uttering a single word. From the whispers, I could easily figure out that there were at least 20 people outside. I would skip a heartbeat with the thought "what if the door fell down?". It went on and on for like an hour or so, intermittent knocks and shouting. And, then people got frustrated and left for their rooms. Next morning, everyone's expressions said, "Not fair, kid", and I would wanna say, "I never kicked anyone's ass, so no one should kick mine :P". Sigh. 

My next 4 birthdays were celebrated in our own R-land, and I knew that the old plan was not gonna work here. As the day came closer, I had started to accept that I will be getting birthday bumps this time. I and my roommate, both were quite skinny. Well, my roommate was quite taller than me so he looked even skinnier :P. At the stroke of midnight, on my birthday, people arrived in my room. Hugs and wishes followed and then, the deed. Yes, I was tiny so it was very easy for any two of them to lift me up, and I got my share of birthday bumps. The bad part about this celebration was that there were stories about people wearing their NCC boots especially for giving birthday bumps to their dearest friends. Well, my tiny skeleton made them spare me off NCC boots. It hurt a little, for a while. But, then, they lifted my roommate and he was getting his share of birthday bumps. One guy took out his flip-flop and started giving his share of bumps to him. Just as he went through first flap on his hips, it literally turned my roommate upside down. Everybody was literally rolling on the floor laughing on that sight. It became even easier to beat his tiny bums with those flip-flops :P. Then there were usual celebrations in hostel canteen and a treat in a restaurant. Second year onwards, I had shifted to another hostel with smaller group of friends. The tradition went on for next two years, without the beating part though.

The last birthday celebration in R-land had a lot of nostalgia added to it. For past three and half years, we had made some truly great friends, and the time was coming close to say it all a heartfelt goodbye. Well, I don't need to say what happens to saying goodbyes, if you start adding a little alcohol to it :P. Daaru-chapos were getting common way to celebrate someone getting a job or for someone's birthday or for any god-damn reason to spend some quality time together. I was mostly on the non-drinkers' side, having fun of the conversation and then, reminding everyone the next day what they did :P. So, it was my last birthday and there was a cake. And, then some daaru. And, then there was a rage against a Professor X. Let me back you up a little. We had classes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and we tried to move the classes from Mondays and Fridays along with other classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but the Professor X didn't agree to move his classes, citing simple enough reason that he didn't want us to have long weekends for the whole semester. So, coming back to my birthday now. It was Thursday night and after having cake and some drink, we all had "some great fun" and went to sleep. Next morning, at 9 am sharp, kids had to go for Prof. X's class. And, the professor began telling a story putting his sarcastic smile on his face. It went on as, "Something funny happened last night. Somebody locked my apartment door from outside". Well, what else can I say. Apart from that, we had our legendary Goa trip few weeks later. And, that Goa trip will remain the best birthday gift I ever got. Thank you folks.

Birthday bumps on my 25th :-/

Nostalgia of leaving R-land was just getting over when I landed in the alien land of US of A. First birthday celebration was okay following similar tradition as college. I was still nostalgic about my last birthday celebration in R-land though.  I didn't know a lot of people back then, but slowly I have made some truly amazing friends here. Then I turned 25. Time passed by. This year, I had my last birthday celebration with these amazing folks. Yes, they will be friends for life. Yes, I will miss you guys a lot, wherever I will be. With all this nostalgia, I look forward to exploring the adventure of being in a new place pretty soon and begin a new phase of my life. Soon enough. 

शब्द खोये से क्यूँ हैं

शब्द खोये से क्यूँ हैं, 

शायद किसी की तलाश में हैं

जब कभी उस पार झाँकने की कोशिश करता हूँ मैं 

एहसास एक ऐसा झकझोर जाता है मुझे 

उन्हें सामने न देख कर 

कई टुकड़ों में बिखर जाता हूँ मैं

कई बार कोशिश की, 

यादों को शब्दों में पिरोने की

शायद, वापस जा सकूं, 

जहाँ अपने रास्ते अलग हुए थे 

कशिश वो सीने में आज भी है, 

शायद शब्द इसलिए कतरा रहे हैं 

इतना दर्द संभाल कर भी 

जीता रहा हूँ मैं इत्म्नान से 

शब्दों को डर है मेरे हौसले से 

शायद उन यादों के भंवर में 

एक बार फिर टूट कर बिखर जाऊँगा मैं ।